While they were staying in London shooting a video recently, Essi Berelian interviewed the legendary Motörhead — or should that be the other way round…?

What can you say about the mighty metal machine that is Motörhead, that hasn't already been said a thousand times? When bassist Lemmy was unceremoniously ejected from space cadet outfit Hawkwind, the world suddenly became a richer place with the inception of one of the most downright dirty rock bands ever.

With the band celebrating its 25th anniversary this year, Lemmy and crew — the ever dependable Phil Campbell (guitars) and Mikkey Dee (drums) — have spent the last few months in Germany and LA recording their new album. Titled 'We Are Motörhead' — presumably to help anyone out there who wasn't sure but was too afraid to ask — the album is the first release from the band in the new millennium and finds them in fine spleen-rupturing form, from the wild 'n' twisted cover of the Sex Pistols' 'God Save The Queen' to the sensitive ode to lost love 'One More Fucking Time'.

So with Phil Campbell knocking back a refreshing bottle or three of cider and Lemmy enjoying a traditional mid-afternoon breakfast of Makers Mark bourbon and Coke, we settle down for a little chat in a plush suite in a swanky West End hotel…

Did you choose to cover the Sex Pistols' 'God Save The Queen' for a particular reason?
Lemmy: Yeah, because it sounded really nice! (chuckles into his bourbon). It was done in one pass, wasn't it?
Phil: Yeah, it was great.
L: Well, it's not one take all together, but it's one take of the backing track, one take for all the overdubs each.
P: We did that and a Twisted Sister cover, all in one evening.
L: Yeah, 'Shoot 'Em Down'. Twisted Sister wanted it for some Twisted Sister movie they're making or something. The usual codswallop. It was the only Twisted Sister song I could bear to sing! Which doesn't say much for their lyrical content.
P: I remember when we did 'Cat Scratch Fever' years ago and you said, 'Ah, Phil, it's no good I can't sing these fuckin' lyrics!'
L: Even as far back as 'Please Don't Touch', I changed the entire last verse, 'cause it was horrible.

The cynical might say you were cashing in on the new Pistols documentary 'The Filth And The Fury'…
L: What is 'The Filth And The Fury'? I didn't know about that — we're always doing shit like that! 'Aren't you cashing in on this new whatever-it-is?' and we've never even heard of it!
P: We can sit here with hand held on heart…
L: I swear by almighty Makers Mark that I did not know about this.
P: We also did 'Jumpin' Jack Flash', which isn't on the album.
L: We're gonna save that for something else. They like an extra track in Japan — and we re-recorded 'Orgasmatron'. I don't know where that is either. It's all for some fuckin' weird record company reason.

Have any of the Pistols heard your cover yet?
L: We tried to get Johnny over here to play the queen for the video, but we couldn't get a reply out of him — typical John.

What's the idea for the video?
L: Well, you'll have to watch 'Top Of The Pops' and find out. That would be funny if it was a fuckin' hit — that would be hilarious! I think people are gonna be astounded that we did it. Even more astounded that it sounds so good!

I understand you have a Motörhead bus hired for the video… Are you going to be travelling around London in it?
L: Yeah. Something like that, and they've forbidden us from driving anywhere near Buckingham Palace, but I believe we're gonna go anyway. Well, fuck it, why shouldn't I drive past my sovereign's home? (chuckles) Bollocks, you know?!
P: We'll probably get stuck in traffic, and the whole afternoon, we'll have gone a total of 35 metres! (laughs)

As for the other songs, 'We Are Motörhead' is strongly reminiscent of 'Ace Of Spades'…
L: Yeah, I sort of thought I'd write one in the same tempo, see if it cheered everyone up from the archives — the fuckin' collectors, know what I mean?
P: Lemmy came up with the bass riff and it's pointless doing any fiddly stuff over it, so I just blasted it out on top. Basic, pure Motörhead.

Any other departures, apart from 'Wake The Dead' having a bass solo…
P: It was going to be a guitar solo, but Lem got in the studio first and said, 'Oh Phil, your guitar solo is now a bass solo!' But it sounds good…
L: It's not a departure really. I've done bass solos before…

But the bass solo is rather mellow…
L: Well, the rest of it isn't!
P: You can't pound out the same stuff all the time. We enjoy a small departure sometimes.
L: How about 'One More Fucking Time', did you enjoy that?

It was a nice Motörhead twist to have something which is possibly one of the most commercial things on the record and then have swearing all over it!
L & P: (both crack up laughing)

Is it about anyone in particular?
L: Yeah.

(Long pause, then laughter.)

Who?
L: I'm not gonna tell you, am I?! It's private! But it feels like everything when you break up, doesn't it? Like — here we go, one more fuckin' time.

The first song struck me as being the bastard offspring of 'Iron Fist'…
L: Or 'Burner'?
P: It's certainly fuckin' fast. God, I had to have my eyes straightened at the end of it!
L: Had to have the wheels re-aligned on his practice bike!

You're going to be doing a major tour starting off in South America. Are there any fringe benefits to such intense touring there?
L: Yeah, fucking exotic women from all over the world is the main fringe benefit!
P: I got a birthday next week in South America! Will you be celebrating in style?
P: No, I'll just go home and play Scrabble or something!
L: Make a few muffins in front of the fire!
P: It's great down in Argentina. D'you know what (to Lemmy)? We don't need a visa to go there now, but Americans have! We went to war with them, basically, and now it's OK. It's ridiculous. The thing of war — everybody's getting killed and then two years later, we're going as guests of the country.
L: I know, the first time we went, we were technically at war! They hadn't signed the fuckin' treaty yet.

You're going to be touring North America with Nashville Pussy and Supersuckers — have you struck up a particular relationship with any of these guys?
L: Nashville Pussy are just an excellent band.
P: They're good friends now.
L: I found myself hanging out with Corey… but there you go, who wouldn't?

Will you be guesting on their upcoming album, perhaps?
L: No, but I did the picture — they've all got their individual pictures on the upcoming album and I was in hers. I'm in the electric chair and she's giving me a lap dance! (laughs) They're a very good band and little what's-her-name? Ruyter, the guitar player — tits everywhere. She takes off one bra and she's got another one on underneath! Drives the guys crackers!
P: (makes Homer Simpson deep sighing type noises!)
L: Tim, my roadie, was fuckin' glued to them. He was at the side of the stage every night, just in case one of them popped out… It's a great bill, though, Motörhead and Nashville Pussy. There's Fu Manchu and Supersuckers too… we wanted to get away from these geezers in big shorts jumping up and down and shouting. I'm sick of that.
P: When we did the Ozzfest, compared to the other bands, we looked like the three musketeers, me, Lem and Mikkey!
L: We were the only ones who looked like human beings. We looked like our clothes had been bought for us. The others looked like their big brother had died and passed his clothes down!
P: System Of A Down and all that — crap, absolute crap!
L: Aye, Limp fuckin' Bizkit and Tool and all that. It's just fuckin' hopeless. If that's the future of rock 'n' roll, it's suicide for me.

Most other bands would be rather circumspect about not liking the music, thinking they might have to share a stage with these guys in future…
L: No, we don't share stages with 'em — we take over the stage when we play with 'em! And I wouldn't like to follow us!
P: As long as we have our respect, the world can revolve and carry on. And good luck to 'em all, really.
L: As I've often said, I'm only interested in my band — fuck everybody else.
P: I mean, they can all be nice guys and stuff, but we're entitled to say what we think about the music, and if guys can make a lot of money out of playing a bunch of shit, then all power to 'em.
L: By all means, if that's what they really like. Thing is, I don't believe half of 'em really like what they're playing.

I seem to recall you had harsh words for Marilyn Manson once… all style and no substance…
L: All mouth and no trousers.

He doesn't wear trousers, does he?
L: All mouth and no tights then! No, I mean he's very good, he puts on a great show…
P: But who wants to share a dressing-room with a band member who goes around with a turd in a box? (laughs)
L: He's a great showman. Apparently, the show is wonderful. Corey was telling me, because Nashville Pussy supported them. But so what? There's no substance to the music. The second album was terrible.
P: More substance in the semen!

Marilyn Manson is very showbiz now; will you ever be tempted down the same route?
L: No, never.
P: You should do it like the Benny Hill show. Like four times a year! So it's an event. It would be good.
L: Yeah, I could heal people on stage… stand up! And they rise shaking from their wheelchair.
P: Aye, cut to the rainbow over the shrine, a large bourbon and coke on the table!
L: No — I touch them and they become ill! (big laughs) Perfectly fit people come up and I put 'em in a wheelchair!

At this stage of your career, do you get fed up people constantly asking you about 'Ace Of Spades'?
L: Yeah. (silence then chuckles) We do make an album a year and it's not as if that was the best album we ever made.
P: Last night I saw a clip of Eddie (Clarke) on the TV. I mean, I've been 16 years with Lem. And then there was Brian (Robertson) before.
L: I know, it's fuckin' criminal. Phil's been with me twice as long as Eddie, plus two years — it's not fair.
P: It doesn't piss me off any more, though…
L: It must piss you off. It pisses me off.
P: No, it's just the fuckin' incompetence of it all.
L: People not doing their homework.
P: Even Mikkey's done ten years.
L: They just don't care. 'So what's 'Fast' Eddie Clarke doing?' Nothing, actually. I brought him onstage at Brixton three years ago. Nobody fuckin' recognised him. He's got short grey hair now.

What was it like playing with 'Fast' Eddie at that particular point?
L: Couldn't hear him! Made sure of that! (laughs) No, I just couldn't hear him. I don't think he remembered the song that well. I think he was faking it.

Tell us about the Hawkwind reunion later this year…
L: There's supposed to be something in September. There was meant to be something in March, but…
P: They've gotta find the right drugs!
L: Yeah, they've gotta get the acid in from several exotic locations! We've just got to find all the fuckin' ex-members, and some of them are living in Canada and shit. They're all over the place.
P: Is Stacia around? The dancer with big tits…
L: Blowing bubbles and shit. I shouldn't think she looks that great now.
P: Yeah, she caused many a soiled underpant in her time, including my own!
L: Many a boy scout fantasy fulfilled!

Is there an album in it perhaps?
L: Yeah, supposedly, if we do get together, but it's just finding them, you know? And then getting them in one place to rehearse. A mammoth undertaking. Good luck with that. There's more than 25 of them!

You'd all end up doing ten different versions of 'Silver Machine'…
L: No, just the one, 'cause I'm only going to sing it fuckin' once.

What about a classic like 'Motörhead'?
L: Well, Dave Brock dubbed his vocal on top of it. Fuckin' old cunt, he is. I still get the same royalties, what do I care? What's it going to be like sharing the stage with Dave Brock after all this time?
L: Dave, I have no problem with. It wasn't him that fired me, it was Nik (Turner) and Simon (King) that fired me. Put their heads together, you know? Nik, the self-righteous Prince of Prance.
P: He (nods towards Lemmy) probably only got fired because they'd run out of drugs themselves and were all miserable!
L: They fired me 'cause I got busted. Can you imagine that? How fuckin' cosmic is that? As it happens, the charges got thrown out the window. Wrongful arrest.
P: They said it was coke.
L: And it was whiz.

A mere technicality…
L: I know. Over here, they'd re-arrest you on your way out of court, but not there — it's out.

Do you feel that was one of the most fortuitous things to happen to you?
L: Certainly wasn't for Hawkwind — they went straight down the toilet after that. And of all the people they hired to replace me, a jazzy downbeat bass player was not the guy. Paul Rudolph. He used to play murderous lead guitar in the (Pink) Fairies, right? Then he became this bass player, used to put one foot up on the riser. You can't replace me with that.

What else have you been up to, other than obviously recording the new album?
L: I've just recorded a couple of tracks with Doro Pesch of Warlock. She did 'Love Me Forever', one of our songs, for her next album. She's got a load of different people on it.
P: I did a couple of tribute things and took time off.

Talking of extra-curricular activities, Lemmy, you were an extra in that infamous John Wayne Bobbitt porn movie. What did you do?
L: As she's (Bobbitt's wife) driving away, she throws the dick out the window. I'm sittin' in this park, for whatever reason, it goes by me and I go, 'What's that? A fuckin' dick? At least it ain't mine!' And I walk out the picture! There was another scene with a couple of homosexual policemen. They were like cops from the waist up and from the waist down, they had painted things around their genitals and all that. And I meet up with them and go (points thatta way) like that and they shoot off into the bushes… (then everyone cracks into uncontrolled laughter)
P: Homosexual policemen with soft truncheons!
L: Oooh, I'll scratch your eyes out!
P: Oooh, shall I hit you again?!
L: Hit you with me fuckin' handbag!
P: Look at the state of these handcuffs!
L: Oooh, they've chafed you red raw!
P: I must polish my boots!
L: I just don't know what I'm going to do about this fuckin' hat!

Anyone else approached you to do anything similar since then?
L: Not really, 'cause I refrain from getting my dick out mostly. But later in life I may be persuaded, when the bubble bursts… it's a pretty tough bubble, though. It's actually an air balloon!

And finally, is there anything you want to add to round off this interview?
L: No, fuck 'em! Let them make up their own ending!